Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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