haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
