Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
