my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The beer is more important than you right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
