I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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