I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
