I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
