You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
