am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
