The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
