If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
