I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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