dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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