Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
