Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
