saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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