I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
