PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
