I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
