If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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