I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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