Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
