my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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