So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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