trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
