yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
