I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
