I can text with my tongue
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
