there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
