I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
