I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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