watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
