My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
