Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
