I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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