he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
