His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
