a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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