I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
