u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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