I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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