Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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