I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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