she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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