everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
