my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
