Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
