I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
