Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
