Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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