dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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